Written by: Nicole Harris-Armstrong
Last updated: February 17, 2025
During times of great loss there is a storm of darkness as the sky you see turns shadows of gray, is gloomy as thunder and lightning shake it. It can be frightening as you wonder when the storm will end, and how you will get through great loss and worry. This is what I have felt when my whole life was turned around by great loss and sorrow. I have had my fair share of great emotional pain between the unexpected death of my dad, sister, uncle, job, a failed marriage, a single family home due to inflation, along with many other losses over a several year time period. As I was feeling loss and grief, my family was too as they also suffered the same losses plus their own as well. I felt that life was throwing rock after rock after rock at us, and justice for all that had happened was not coming our way. As I reflect upon all that my family and I have suffered, I want to share with you how I was able to get through great loss and worry.
I have realized when you suffer from great loss, other people around you don’t always know of the great loss that you have experienced. Sometimes it is hard to express the great loss you have experienced as it takes time to process what has happened. I remember trying to move on with life right away after a great loss, trying to get through the day when tears would well up unexpectedly in my eyes when something reminded me of a loss I had experienced personally in my life. During those times, I felt alone as I experienced people were not there for me, as they did not understand what I was going through. I have learned that when I feel sad, it is important to allow myself to take the time to feel the pain. It is normal and part of the healing process to accept what is, be with it, sit with it, examine it, learn from it, understand it so you can eventually forgive it and move on from it.
There are several ways I helped myself get through great loss and worry. It is important to take time for self-care and to remember to go easy on yourself. Be kind and gentle to you and remember that your soul needs to be nourished. Some things that have helped me are making a list of things that would nurture my soul. I would say positive affirming words to myself, especially if other people said and did unloving or unkind acts towards me. I would take time to read the bible, journal, write poems, read, and draw. I would go out to eat at a restaurant with family, travel with family, have fun taking a dance class with friends, or sing in private spaces. I would do nice things for myself like play soothing music to rock myself to sleep, take a mid-afternoon nap, take a bubble bath, get a healing massage, a therapeutic facial, or a soothing pedicure. I would take relaxing yoga classes or nature walks in complete silence to listen to all the nature around me such as the birds chirping and feel the sun warm my skin. I would take deep breaths in and out, in and out while remembering it was important to breathe. Sometimes when we are experiencing great loss we forget to breathe or breathe shallow rather than breathe deeply. So, I would remind myself not to forget to breathe deeply. Time does eventually heal wounds, even though they are still there they are not as intense as they once were. I reminded myself that I will get through this, and I will be okay. If you are reading this and feel similar feelings, you will also get through this, and it will be okay.
How can we let go of thoughts that continue to circle in our minds that lead us to an endless spiral to the deepest depths of nowhere? Trying not to worry is easier said than done, but we all know that worry will not do us any good. Some ways to get through great loss and worry is to identify the problem which is the first step in trying to fix any problem. If a problem is fixable, then worry will naturally go away. If the problem is not fixable, then you need to determine whether you want to keep learning about it to try to find ways to make it better, or if the problem is beyond your scope. Living in this country, especially over the last several years, things just naturally happened to me and my family that were beyond my control. If I were to express everything that happened to us, you probably would not believe it. Through the course of my life, life lessons have been identified that I have learned from and am still learning from.
I started to write this blog because I care about people, empathize as I put myself in other people’s shoes, and have compassion towards other people. I feel there are so many people that are unaware of what people experience on the other side of the parallel reality, but through the course of my life I know what it is like. I have learned through my own life experiences or have learned through reading about other people’s life experiences. Through failure we learn to succeed. Victory is sweet once we know great loss, and I have had my fair share of great losses. I hope in the end, we the people win. I have realized that people including myself will not win if we don’t even know what we are fighting for. What I have realized through life lessons that have happened to me is that America’s foundation of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, freedom, and basic human rights are at risk due to an unfair economy. You can never have victory until you know your purpose. Once you know your purpose, that purpose needs to be supported by others. Some of the rich and powerful people do not want the people to have victory because that would mean they would lose. Some things are within our power to change, and some things aren’t. I hope things get better, but that is not up to me to decide. There are rich and powerful people that have been doing this far longer than me and are even able to fairly predict if this variable were to happen or that variable, then this will happen in the future. One thing I do know though is that there are many parts to a whole, and our country can get better if we are able to have our basic freedoms that are within the foundation of our country that some in power have tried to take away. For now, I will say the serenity prayer as other people are in power not me, and there is much that is beyond my control. Worry will not change existing circumstance. We cannot go into the past and change things that have already been done. It is what it is, so there are times we need to decide for ourselves to let it go for our own wellbeing and happiness. There is a serenity prayer written by Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr that I remind myself of when snow flutters throughout the winter sky and falls to the ground with gravity, and I am festering over things that are beyond my control.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace,
Taking, as He did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that He will make all things right,
If I surrender to His will,
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
I hope by sharing some of the things that happened to me and my entire family, I will help you get through some of the things you are going through. I hope our society will become fairer and more just to those who do not come from a lot of means, and who were not taught about our economy. My hope in writing this blog is to make America a better place to live, and more affordable again. I wrote a related post several weeks ago titled Making America Affordable Again: Living in Two Parallel Realities in which I would encourage you to read, a Resource page to help people in need, as well as a Basic Bills Tracker and Budget Planner in which you can find directly on my blog Shop page and on Etsy.